This morning I saw a picture that says "It's official, the weather has been diagnosed with Bipolar".Before you moan and grunt about another person complaining about "meaningless words", hear me out.
We as a society place shame upon people with mental disorders. When we share the idea that "the weather is bipolar complain, complain, complain" we perpetuate the idea that one should be embarrassed about their disorder.
No one should be embarrassed for their disorder. No one should be scared to tell others about it. Bipolar Disorder is a hard enough thing to live with, it is our life, everyday, we shouldn't have to be scared to share what we go through with others on top of it.
It is, for the most part, no secret that I was diagnosed with Bipolar type II last year, and it went undiagnosed for a couple years. My disorder does not define me, but it is a part of me. I know how hard it it to reach out for help with something that scares and shames you. I know what it is like to be embarrassed that you aren't a "normal" human being. With support from my family and those I love around me, I have gotten past that and come a really far way in understanding myself.
When we joke about things being Bipolar or "Schizo" we don't show support to those affected around us. When we joke about these things we demean what people affected have to grow through on a day to day basis. We also show an ignorance and unwillingness to understand what we are joking about.
Bipolar disorder brings the affected up to a hypo manic state, so uncomfortable they could crawl out of their own skin, no matter what is being done they aren't comfortable. Around people? Have to get away. Alone? Need to be around people. Every touch sends pens and needles through your body, even when it's just clothing. Sometimes productive, in that the need to start a huge project happens, but it is usually not finished. Then the other side, Manic Depressant, the strength to get out of bed? not there. The crushing weight on your chest, the episodes so bad someone ends their life, or wants to. The emptiness, and the lack of care about anything. Doesn't really sound like a joke to me, also doesn't seem to describe weather...at all.
Weather is just that...Weather. People realize it isn't okay to call things "Gay" or "Retarded" because those things were used in a negative sense, and shame people. It's time to realize that mental disorders are not a replacement, are not a joke, and most importantly NOTHING to be ashamed of.
It's been an odd time lately... Finding myself, my niche...my bipolar disorder needs a kick in the butt sometimes too, as well as my insomnia. I am not ashamed of my disorder... but I do hate it. Sometimes I am crazy awesome and productive, sometimes I can barely type a word on my phone. I wish my mind would make up it's mind!
A year has passed since my diagnosis, and it's been an interesting year. I've grown quite a bit. I've learned to tell when I am manic, either direction. That's a pretty big step. I've also learned how to handle myself.
Of course this meant a break from the blog world, but I think I can confidently say I am back now.
I've also spent the past year getting to know my best friend. How lucky I am. Truly!
Tonight is one of those nights I can not seem to sleep, so I fixed myself a mug of (caffeine free) tea. I've been trying to perfect the blogs, and I let time escape from me. Now I type, and listen to Grey's Anatomy, while the dog sleeps on my feet (thank goodness, they would be cold other wise). I try to unwind and calm down, and breath deep.
These are the pictures I feel inspired by tonight. I took these a year or two ago, out in what we call the Paint Mines. It was a sunny day, and I was on a photo adventure with my Nikon D3000. I stuck my Ray Bans in front of the lens, and got these effects, no Photoshop required.
I think I like these so much because this tends to be what my memories look like, bright, and lens flare'y (technical term)...and just happy. I like that.
Welcome to my tiny personal corner of the internet. This spot will not be for D.I.Y. projects, but for personal moments of my life that I find happiness or inspiration in. Things that make my life a little better. This space will not take sponsors, have reviews, or anything of the sort. This space will be kept safe, and simple, and lovely.